So I just read a blog entry by Jody Schoger (http://womenwcancer.blogspot.com) that got me doing some heavy thinking on the ‘blame game.’
He has esophageal cancer. Oh. Did he smoke?
She has skin cancer. Oh. Did she lay out?
We are a society that seeks to assign blame and reason to everything, probably in most cases in hope that by assigning blame to some outside factor we’ll somehow be safe from the indiscriminate heavy hand of cancer, just by avoiding said factor.
About 18 months ago my father died from esophageal cancer. After reading Jody’s article I’ve come to realize whenever I discuss him I often find myself mentioning his risk factors even without being asked. Yes, he had been a smoker. Yes, he was a recovering alcoholic. But he had quit both 5 years before! But he was only 57 years old! But he worked out at least 3-4 days a week, a competitive athlete! Should the tragedy that befell my father really be summed up by what his risk factors were? Should my mind really dwell on those things quite so much? There are enough cautionary tales out there to make clear that no matter what the risk factors, good people who do all the right things fall to cancer every day.
By keeping our eyes focused on risk factors, we marginalize the tragedy… My father was a healthy, vital man who up until 6 weeks before he died no one would have ever thought he was sick. He was a doting grandfather, a racquetball player extraordinaire, the smartest computer engineer I knew. We all make mistakes over the course of our lives… let these not be the things that define our mortality, but instead focus on the humanity.
Even if we don’t seek to assign blame but rather to understand, be aware of how asking these questions can cause us to trivialize cancer… and cancer will never be trivial!
Do you ever find yourself to focussed on the how and why?
Jaryn,
ReplyDeleteI'm honored that my post led you to sharing this beautiful story about your Dad. You are so right...HE WAS YOUR DAD, not a risk factor, in the same way the woman I wrote about with esophageal cancer is a bright light that we're going to lose soon. It is a nasty, nasty cancer I'd like to see end in my lifetime.
Please keep us posted on your boxing efforts!! That is a fantastic undertaking.
And thanks again.
jms
My first impulse is to do that. Or it can work the opposite way. I eat well, exercise regularly, yet I still developed cancer. People use that as an excuse to not take care of themselves. "Eating all those raw veggies didn't help him--he still got cancer!" Great post! Pat
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